he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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