my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
