She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
