Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
