mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
