If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize