i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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