That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
