oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Randomize
