You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
