Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
