Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
