Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
