You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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