you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
