I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
