I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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