Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize