Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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