If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she told me i tasted like america
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
