the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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