I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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