I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
