I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
