Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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