the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
