I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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