It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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