I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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