No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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