i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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