At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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