you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
is wine microwaveable?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
