My brain says no but my pants say off.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
