It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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