Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
