Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
