does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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