He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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