So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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