Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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