how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
