so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
