I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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