Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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