I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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