somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
