for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
