i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
how does that bad decision feel?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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