So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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