so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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