Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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