If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
