Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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