dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
