and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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