So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
