threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize