I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
