I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
