If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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