nut hugger
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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