Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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