Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
