i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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