Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize