oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
