You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
