respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
