I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
