So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
