Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
