You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
