I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
