my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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