Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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