its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize