I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
