meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
