Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
