A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
