So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize