I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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