he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
