I'm really into asian looking animals
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
