Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
